Thursday, January 8, 2009

dreams...dreams...go away!

i am so tired of having the same dream over and over again! i am ready for it to go away and never come back. the timing is weird as well. almost every night since gage's surgery i have dreamt about him going into surgery, but this time it's not planned. each night how we get to the hospital is different, but each time i see him for the first time, he looks the same, which is nothing like he's ever actually looked-his body is suddenly the size of a newborn, there is no meat on his bones, he's breathing really hard, and he's blue. each night the ending is the same, the doctor comes in and says he's sorry, but we got him there too late so there is nothing they can do for him. it's horrible because the dream feels so real until i wake up. i don't know why i am dreaming this now, i mean, i could see maybe before gage's surgery being scared, especially after you sign the papers telling you it's "okay" your child only has this percent chance of living and this % of this damage or that damage, but it's over a month later and he is doing amazingly well! so, i've never really shared this reoccuring dream, but for whatever reason, i shared it on here. maybe it will be out of my system now! it will be nice to sleep through the night and not have that dream. okay, sleep through the night might not happen as this pregnant body is having back issues and hip problems every night, but just not having that dream will be a much better night!

1 comment:

amanda said...

ohhh no fun. i had crazy dreams last night too. someone tried to kill shaun by dumping gas on him and i had to stand in the kitchen and watch out the window not able to do anything! it was so really and SO scary. i know how it feels to have it feel so real. i'm praying for you that they go away and FAST!